April 24, 2007 : My First Motorcycle Accident....
So I'm parked at a stoplight taking a right onto a 1 way, 2 lane road. The light turns green, I get ahead of the other motorcycles and pull into the opposite lane. All of a sudden out of nowhere this truck shows up on my left at about mach 11. (it would later become obvious to me that she had run light wayyyyy after it had turned red). There was no way I could turn the bike, so I sideswipped her, in effect throwing me in the opposite direction. The bike and I skidded along the pavement to a stop about 20 feet down the asphalt.

The first thing I noticed was that my mirror was askew on the side that hit her car. The second thing I noticed was that she was speeding off without even stopping to see if I was ok. It appeared I was in good shape and my bike was ok and I wasn't going to get run over by any traffic (nicely enough the peoople that didn't hit me did stop). Out of pure road rage I jumped back on my bike and chased the truck down. Luckily they got stopped by a traffic light about 1 mile down the road.

Unfortunately, even though my thai is good enough to have conversations about generalities, I have zero vocablulary when it comes to bitching out another driver. So I yelled a couple things in English, shot her the stink eye for a couple of minutes and then tended to my mirror. Actually, incredibly enough, after skidding on pavement for 20 feet, my bike didn't have a single scratch except for the handlebar, which is made out of some hardcore metal (I'm guessing just for these situations). So at the end of the day I was no worse for the wear; and I didn't even have to file any paperwork.

April 18, 2007 : The Water Festival....
As far as holidays go, the States have nothing on the Thais. Around the middle of April every year falls the Thai New Year. It's official name is Song Krang, which translates loosley to 'The Water Festival'. It's a 5 or 6 day country-wide water fight. All day long, for 6 days in every single town, city and province of the entire country. I'm not talking little water guns either. People drive around with these enormous oil barrels filled with water in the back of their trucks. Then 15 people will pile in with buckets. People stand on the side of the road with trash cans filled with water, water hoses constantly filling them up. If you walk underneath a building with balconies, expect water to hit you from as many as 10 stories high.

My fingers were pruning for the first 2 days of the festival. I came close to going hypothermic umpteen times. It's not always as benign as you would think. On multiple occasions did I take bucket of ice cubes/water right in the face. By the third day I didn't even want to leave the house. In retrospect that would have been the smart thing to do. Instead I chose to try and get out of town.

If I was to lay out of the rules of Song Krong, the first rule would be 'There is no escape'. The second rule would be 'No one is exempt'. The third would be 'Don't waste your breath telling people not to throw water at you'. Nothing evinced this more than the scene of driving my motorcycle up north with Pui on the back in these little villages getting pounded with water. Unfortunately when you are on a motorcycle you're everyone's biggest target. My best guess is because they stand to inflict the most amount of damage on you. Nothing brings fear into my heart like going down the highway at 60km/hr and having some drunk teenagers pull up next to you in a truck, belting you with buckets of ice water.

I took a couple of sweet videos of the festivities. The first video is in Chiang Mai during the first couple of days when I still thought it was the greatest thing I had ever seen. The second video is a few days later when I'm driving my motorcycle up north trying to escape being constantly wet... to no avail.

April 15, 2007 : Notes on the nocturnals....
A good number of the caves that I've been going into have some interesting bamboo artifacts surrounding the entrance. Think a decoritve entranceway that shrinks a 200ft entrance into a 10 ft. one using interlaced bamboo trees and leaves. Among the climbing community here we had bets going on if it was to keep out ghosts or some buddhist decoration. Turns out that the local bat-hunters use it to funnel the bats through. They will go inside the cave, start some fires to fill the cave with smoke, and then catch the fleeing bats for dinner.

That in itself is quite interesting, but it begged yet another question of how they could ever fill some of these caves with smoke. They would have to go from one cavern to the next, many of the connecting tunnels are 60 ft. off the deck. Obviously the villagers don't have any climbing gear, so how they could get up into these tunnels was another mystery. The only clue was you would often see a bit of wood or bamboo lodged between 2 rocks VERY high up on the rock.

The answer to this came when I was deep into a bat cave and I saw some guy actually getting up one of these walls. What they do is lodge a piece of 20ft. bamboo between the ground and a crack in the rock and then scurry up the bamboo. After they get to 20ft. they will re-lodge the bamboo and scurry up another 20ft. Rinse, lather, repeat.

I've included a couple of photos of some fixed bamboo that we came across in caves to give you an idea of the size of them. These have little rungs etched into them, where the version I saw had nothing more than a smooth shaft of bamboo. Here is a standard entrance into a cave. Here is a horizontal one (well it's at 30 degrees) that you have to climb down with a 60 ft. gaping hole right underneath it.

And on a completely unrelated topic, here is a video of a gecko (Tookei) eating some bugs.

March 11, 2007 : Critters....
As you can tell from my huge collection of animals and bugs in my photo album I hope it is apparent that I have an obsession for taking photos of critters.

Last week I travelled to Krabi to do some snorkelling and found all kind of fun things to take photos of. While I was at it I shot some pretty good video of a jellyfish. The video is interesting becase I got so into taking the video I thought it would be cool if I could get both him and me in the same shot by moving the camera behind him. There is a sweet moment in the video when I realize the thing is about to latch onto my face.

I also shot a video of chasing a crab on the beach at night. The part where the shot goes dark is when I freak out that he is about to bite me. I love that it takes me less than 1 second to recover and pick the camera backup to continue pursuit.

Last weekend I shot a video of a bat cave. It is by no means a clear video of bats, but it does a very good job of capturing the freakyness of having hundreds of bats flying all around you and only being able to see a handful in your tiny little headlamp.

And last but not least, I also shot a video of crazy litte fat kid at the doctor's office. I love it that it takes 3 grown women to hold him down. Watch for the mom and her lightning hand in the second clip.

March 1, 2007 : A traditional Thai wedding....
Last year while I was traveling in Thailand I had the pleasure of traveling around with someone from Jackson by the name of Melanie. She ended up meeting a Thai guy (who I can't speak highly enough about), one thing led to another, and I just attended her wedding. It was my first Thai wedding and didn't really know what to expect. The funny thing is that neither did Melanie. Her fiance decided it would be best not to fill her in on all the details lest she be intimidated by what was in store.

In reality, a Thai wedding is a lot more like a circus than a wedding. I don't mean that in the negative, carney, scary clown kind of way that gets conotated with circuses these days, but more in the line of Cirque du Soliel; where at any given time there is 50 really interesting things going on. First off, it's not the traditional get hitched at 4pm, go to the reception and dance til 11. This thing got started around 8am and I heard the last guests filtered out around 4am the next day.

As always, I'll try to capture the highlights in bullet form to make it an easier read:

• 8am - Start with the monks chanting. They had to bow to the monks for about 1/2 an hour.
• 8:15am - While they were getting married you could go out back and eat breakfast. I hope it was ok to get up and do this as I was quite hungry from all the bowing.
• 9am - Get trucked across the village with the men to participate in a parade.
• 9:15 - About 300 people marched in this parade for about 3 miles. Beating drums, singing, etc.
• 10am - Arrive back at the original wedding spot, more eating, drinking whiskey if so inclined.
• 11am - Hang out with the bride and groom and give them envelopes with money mafia style.
• 12pm - 4pm Spend the afternoon getting to know all of the other wedding guests. Some were immediate family members, some were people that the couple had met a few days before.
• 5pm - The main reception started. Melanie had to spend the next 4 hours greeting all of the guests as they came in. After that she had to go to each table individually and thank people. I hear she did this without eating the entire time. This is very unlike an American wedding where the wedding day is actually about the bride instead of the guests.
• 7pm - This is when things really started to happen. Some of my the cooler things that happened:
  • Fireworks as good as anything we have during the 4th of July
  • The Mayor of the town got up and spoke for about 1/2 an hour. He then proceeded to sing 2 Thai songs. Melanie didn't know who the guy was until later.
  • Some sweet firedancers (see photos)
  • Some drunk villager climbed up onto the stage of the band and tried a stage dive. It didn't work.
  • 10 minutes later, the same drunk villager 'accidentally' danced right into one of the firedancers and took a nice sized piece of fire in the shoulder.
  • He kept dancing

February 17, 2007 : Thai math....
Last week my internet got shut off for no apparent reason. It's pretty common over here to have outages. I would say I'm completely down for about 1 out of every 7 days. After about 3 days though, I started to get worried, so I called the company.

Actually, let me take a minute here to fill you in on the background I've got with the tech support for this internet company. The company is called TOT. It is the largest provider of phone and internet in Thailand. Think Qwest or Cox Cable. The first week I got internet and it wasn't working I tried the tech support number I was given. Some old lady at a private residence picked up the phone. For some reason a vast number of tech support calls were being incorrectly routed to this woman's house for the last couple of months. If you tried back a few times you would get to the right people, but I would say at least 3 of 4 calls would go to her. My favorite part is that she kept picking up the phone. When I did get through, the tech support people had heard about this old lady, but didn't seem too concerned. I think it is worth repeating here that this is the largest provider of phone and internet to the entire country.

So anyways, it turns out that I hadn't paid my bill so they shut me off. All along I thought the bills were going through my utilities so I hadn't been too worried about it. I went down to the front of my apartment building and asked them why they hadn't been giving me my bills. After replying to me "Have you checked your box?" I had a very quotable moment saying, "Whoa, I have a box?" This is 4 months after I had moved in mind you.

So I had to go down to the headquarters of the company to pay the bill. My monthly is right around $35 and I hadn't paid yet, so I was looking at roughly $140. Here is a short synopsis of the conversation:

Josh: "I would like to pay my bill for the last 4 months. I'm on the $35/month plan and I have never paid."

Secretary: "No problem sir...click...click...click... that will be $18."

Josh: "Um... if 1 month is $35, it should be like $140 for 4"

Secretary: "Excuse me sir, you're right, that will be $53" (she took $35+$18)

(There was easily 10 minutes of conversation here to get her to come to the $140 number. At this point I decided I never wanted to have to deal with this office again so I decided I would prepay them for the next 3 months as well.)

Josh: "Ok... so after what we agreed then it will be $140 + 3 more months for a total of $245"

Secretary: "Ok... so your total will be: $123 (which I finally figured out was the original $18 plus $35x3)

Another 10 minutes later we were finally at the same figure, I handed them the cash, took the receipt never to see them again. 2 weeks later I got a bill in my box for last months internet.

February 7, 2007 : Self guided trekking....
I've recently become a little more adventurous on the day-trips. Now instead of looking for signs that point to waterfalls, I just drive until I find some water; a lake, or a creek will usually do. Then armed with a machete and 10 hours of daylight, I'll just start walking. More often than not there is some semblance of a trail from some forest person who has been hacking through this stretch of jungle before. Eventually you will come to the source of the water- be it at the top of the mountain, the mouth of a bad smelling cave, or some impassable cliff side.

The scenery is constantly jaw dropping. Some of the hikes have brought me across ridge-lines that stretch for miles with cliff-bands dropping 2000ft. on both sides. I've scaled up and down some of these cliffbands going from ledge to ledge, hanging from tree to tree. It probably sounds scarier than it is. At the higher elevations (5000ft.) there are pine forests mixed with deciduous trees- some which have leaves that are as big as my torso.

As far as wildlife I haven't seen any snakes yet. I've come across a few monkeys, too many spiders, and all added up, about 13 lbs. of mosquitos (thats way too many). Also, I finally got a picture of a Tokei (giant gecko with a steel trap mouth).

It's somewhat easy to get lost since I am usually surrounded by trees. When that happens, I'm never more than an hour away from summiting the closest mountain to get my bearings. It would be nice to have a map for some of these areas, but honestly, it's even nicer to make your own.

February 3, 2007 : So that is what it smells like...
So I'm sitting at one of my favorite breakfast cafes. I'm right in the middle of devouring a large stack of some extra-bacon pancakes. All of a sudden I'm surprised to see this guy dressed up as a Nazi storm-trooper, gas mask and all, carrying this leaf blower like device that makes about twice the amount of noise. As he approaches my table (I'm sitting outdoors right next to the side of the road), he takes this leaf-blower with a gas engine and puts it into a sidewalk grate. About 20 seconds later, the restaurant, me, my table and my extra-bacon pancakes are all engulfed in a plume of some obnoxious smelling smoke. After breathing through the sleeve of my fleece for about 10 seconds, it became quite apparent that I better get the hell out of there, pancakes or no. I dropped about $5 and headed for my motorcycle.

I would find out later that the guy was spraying for mosquitos. They do this about 3 times a month. Why they do it at 8:30 in the morning next to restaurants and food stalls is beyond me. Buying organic food doesn't do you much good if they are going to get hit with pesticides right at the store. Also, it's not like they don't know how bad it is, the guy was wearing a storm-trooper outfit after all. Egregious. I've been waiting to use that word for a while. There ya go.

This is one of many environmental eye openers that I've come across recently. I included a photo of the burning in my album. I don't think I really appreciated how much of the landscape gets burned around here. I was driving down the interstate the other day and they were actually burning the grass in the divider. That is when it dawned on me that everything, and I mean everything gets burned between now and March. I was in the middle of the jungle; way back there, maybe 15km. I walked around the backside of this mountain and the entire thing was on fire. I'm talking the size of Snow King here, but it was as far back as Redtop meadows is from Wilson. In Jackson, we would call that the 'Green Knoll Fire'. Over here, it's business as usual.

January 29, 2007 : Day Tripping: Caves and Waterfalls
Since my work hours are split between the morning and evening, I tend to have the bulk of every day for free time. For the past two weeks I've been filling this time with action packed day trips to the outlying areas. A basic day will consist of getting on the motorbike and heading in one of 4 directions. For the most part Chiang Mai is surrounded by mountains, so you are never really more than 1/2 an hour away from climbing out of the city.

After I've settled on a general cardinal direction, I'll start looking for signs. The two signs that I'm pretty good at spotting in Thai are for either a cave (tham) or a waterfall (nam toke). Follow the signs, and that makes up your day. Sometimes I'll find temples, sometimes lakes. A hill tribe here or there. It's always turns out to be much more epic than you would expect. It starts out with a very well marked English sign that will say something like 15 kilometers to the so and so cave. At about 5 km and 3 unmarked turns later, the signs all turn into thai. At about 10km, you lose signs all together. At about 12km the road turn to dirt. Hopefully you'll find some random guy on the road that can point you in the right direction. At about 20km, you will probably find a waterfall that had no signs for it anywhere along the route. Maybe I'll come back the next day to find the original cave again.

January 20, 2007 : Finding some Inner Peace
Getting out of the city and into the country has had a huge relaxing effect on my life here. Both my city and country residence (how idiotically pompous does that sound) are within 10 minutes of a cave, a waterfall and a Buddhist monastary in the mountains. It sounds cliche, but meditating in a monastary atop a waterfall is one of the coolest experiences I've ever had.

The last couple of weeks I've started my days by driving to the base of the mountian by my apartment, parking the bike and then hiking up to the monastary. The hike is just about the vertical of snowking, so it's a great way to get some exercise in early. I'll then join 3 or 4 monks perched among the rocks at the top of a 40 foot waterfall. I've got my bright orange jacket on and I do have a shaved head, but I have a feeling I'm not fooling any of them. After meditating for an hour or so, I'll hike back down and head to my favorite cafe for some extra bacon.

January 10, 2007 : My Weekend Getaway
About 2 weeks ago I went up North into the mountains to get out of the city. Believe it or not, it was my first excursion since I've been here that wasn't to go climbing. And something funny happened. The big fat dude that had been sitting on my chest for the last 3 months climbed off. I could finally breathe again. Unfortunately, when I drove back into the city, he decided to climb right back on, almost immediately. So I had to make some tough choices. I can't effectively work outside of the city because I need the high-speed internet. Also, I'm addicted to the extra bacon that comes with my salmon salads. So I figured a good compromise would be if I could find a place out in the country for 3 or 4 days a week and then go back to the city for the other 3 or 4 days.

I went out last week searching with my friend Marshall. We started at the climbing area (45 min from town) and drove around to all of the different guest houses. Most of them were pretty anemic. Squat toilets, no AC, windowless. Of course they were also about $40/month. A couple of them were nicer, but they were so far out in the middle of nowhere that if the mosquitos didn't kill me, then I'm sure the loneliness would.

Then we came across this one that was perfect except for it was waaaay to nice for my budget. It's called the 'Log of Paradis'. No I didn't forget to put on an 'e', they did. Before looking around, I asked them what there going rate was. $150/night US. So just out of curiosity, I asked how much for a month. They just took $150x30 and came up with $4500. I told them my entire budget for the whole month was only $150 (because it was my second place). They went over into the corner and talked it over, came back 5 minutes later, and said 'o.k.'

It has a gourmet restaurant, high-speed wireless internet, mountain bikes, english speaking staff, satellite TV, a dance floor, oh... and ponies. The whole place is dressed up like a western dude ranch. The little kids run around dressed like cowboys. They play Garth Brooks and other western songs all day long. I've started to teach the staff how to swing dance. We've only had 3 lessons thus far, and they are all horrible, but god bless them, they want to learn so bad.

So anyways, if you don't think that that a dude ranch in the middle of Thailand charging $150/night would be a booming business, then you're right. I have been the sole guest out here for the last 2 weeks. I'd like to give them some advice on how to attract more guests, but I'm kind of liking having an entire ranch to myself for $5 a night.

January 5, 2007 : You could cut the air with a knife
November, December the months I don't want to remember. Late November and most of December were the months that my immune system finally gave in to the air pollution. After umpteen visits to the doctor, I went from sinusitis to bronchitis to walking pneumonia to full blown pneumonia to, of all things, asthma. The main reason I haven't blogged in a month is due to the fact that there wasn't a lot to write about. Entries like, Day 7: Watched reruns of The Office. Can now recite from memory the first 6 episodes of the 2nd season; well it would have made for some pretty dry reading. Actually other than exploiting the health care system with these problems, I got quite a bit of reading done. I knocked off: Freakonomics, The Tipping Point, Blink, and 'Guns, Germs and Steel'. I can't speak highly enough of all of them.

So anyways, I also spent a fair amount of time researching just how bad the air pollution is here and how to combat it. A pretty good way to measure it, is how many cases show up in hospitals of respiratory diseases. In Bangkok out of 100,000 people, about 2,500 came in with a respiratory ailment. In Chiang Mai, that number in 2005 was on the plus side of 5,000 people, over twice as bad. Geographically the city is surrounded by mountains; so the pollution will continue to build up over the entire winter season. If you've got sissy lungs like myself, that spells trouble.

Unfortunately, I've become so addicted to the lifestyle here that I don't want to move, so I'm trying everything under the sun to try and beat it. I've got an air purifier, I try to get up on the mountain everyday (above the pollution line), but my favorite remedy thus far, is I've become one of those guys that wears a mask. Those stupid little things that you see everyone in Tokyo wearing, we'll I'm now a card carrying member. After wearing one for a week and seeing how it turns from white to brown should be enough to convince anyone.

December 25, 2006 : Settling In
Human beings are creatures of habit. We find our favorite 3 restaurants and we tend to eat 70-80% of our meals there. After you are familiar with the restaurant, your 3 favorite dishes will usually make up 70-80% of what you eat there. We find what we consider the quickest or most efficient way to work, and we will drive that route 9 times out of 10. The funny thing is, it doesn't matter if you live in Chiang Mai, Thailand or Jackson Hole, WY. If there is one thing that I have been thoroughly convinced of thus far is that old saying, "No matter where you go, that is where you are." My new Picas is a place called Smoothy Blues. My new Bistro is a place called The Good View. My breakfast burrito from Harvest has been replaced by a smoked salmon and feta salad with avocado and of course, extra bacon. Everyday, rinse, lather, repeat.

Of course that is not to say that my lifestyle isn't different here, it's just to say that I have been here long enough to find a pattern that works pretty efficiently for me. One of the most common questions I get is, "What makes up your day?" An average day will consist of 2 hours of computer work as soon (and I mean the second) I wake up. Then maybe a Thai lesson, or a long breakfast at Smoothy Blues. Then depending on the day, I might go hiking up on the mountain, climbing at the rock gym, read a good book in my apartment, go on an exploratory motorcycle ride, or get some more work done. I've made some really good friends over here from the states. We will usually go out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, then see a movie at one of the mega theaters, go bowling, etc. Then at about 10 o'clock I head back to start the work day in the U.S. I've been trying to limit it to two hours, but more often than not I fall asleep at my computer during the wee hours.

December 14, 2006 : Moving Metal and Glass
One of the most interesting things I have found while driving here is that mortality rates on the road have little or nothing to do with road rage. More people die in Thailand in any given weekend than in an entire year in road related accidents in England. I read the numbers over the holiday weekend, I want to say it was close to 5,000 accidents, close to 1,000 fatalities. And you do tend to see at least one pretty serious accident at least once a week. Some horrible scene with somebody holding up somebody's head on the side of the road. (I've been told multiple times not to stop because I guess if the person dies on your watch, you get held responsible....quite the opposite of the laws in Europe).

Anyways, the irony of living so close to the edge of death on a motorcycle is that no one ever gets angry. After a while it feels like a dance. You move in and out, around, speed up, slow down, and as long as you don't hit anything or get hit by anything, then no worries. It doesn't matter if somebody missed you by an inch at 80 miles an hour; just keep moving. Maybe it has something to do with not having any time to get angry. If you took that extra second to turn your head to give somebody the finger, you'll most likely end up as the next car's hood ornament.

November 30, 2006 : Language Lessons III
Unfortunately, my thai language classes were canceled because not enough people signed up. The next round of classes is set to start in January, so I have a little while. In the interm I have been working with my Thai tutor every day starting bright and early at 7:30 a.m. The last three weeks I have moved from learning to speak to learning how to read and write. This is proving to be infinitely challenging. The only thing that gives me hope is that pretty much every Thai six grader has accomplished this feat. Here are a few reasons as to why it seems so incredibly hard:

• 48 consonants, 28 vowels. Many of which make the exact same sound.
• There are no spaces between the words or sentences. As long as you know all the words, this isn't really a problem. However, if you don't, trying to figure out where one word starts and the other one ends....
• The vowel system is incredibly complicated. In English, the vowel always follows the consonant. In Thai, the vowel can come after, before, above or below. Sometimes a single vowel splits into 3 parts around the consonant. A simple example is to read something like JAIR (to meet), it is spelled: AI-J-SYMBOL TO LET YOU KNOW AI IS SHORT-R.
• Even though there are 48 consonants, there are only 8 different sounds to end a sentence. So that means that you have to remember that even though a word ends with 1 consonant, it makes a completely different sound. For example, AHAAN (food) is spelled AHAAR.
• And my absolute favorite, the dropped vowel. In English we have the silent vowel. A little confusing I agree, but imagine completely removing the vowels just to save space. The best example I have found so far is Pineapple. Phonetically, the word for Pineapple is something like SAP-PA-WROTE. To read it on the page it is: SPRD. Now mix that in with my second point of not having spaces....

November 18, 2006 : My Thai Driver's License
About two weeks ago I decided I was going to be here for awhile and it would probably make sense financially to buy a new motorcycle. I would walk by some of the showrooms, asking questions here and there until I found the one I wanted. What would follow would become my first Thai scavenger hunt. To truly appreciate this, I'm going to put it in bullet form:

• (Day 1) Went to showroom and picked out motorcycle. Found out I needed immigration paper to buy a new motorcycle.
• (Day 1) Went to immigration and got list of documents that I needed to qualify. This list included the basics (passport, driver's license, passport photos, etc). But then I also had to get things like:
• Copy of my lease on my apartment
• Copy of the Warranty Deed from my landlord
• Copy of my Land Lord's Driver's License/ID Card
• (Day 2) Spent the whole day getting together all of the aforementioned documents
• (Day 3) Went to immigration with documents and found out I don't actually qualify for the papers because I don't have the right type of visa. Am directed to U.S. Embassy instead. Of course the embassy didn't need any of the documents that I had spent the whole day tracking down.
• (Day 4) Sit in U.S. Embassy for 3 hours to get paper that says I'm a resident of Thailand
• (Day 4) Bring paper to Motorcycle Dealer. Buy new motorcycle.
• (Day 4) Go to apply for Driver's License. Found out I don't have a medical certificate that I need to get license.
• (Day 5) Go to hospital to get medical certificate. This consisted of me answering the 2 questions, "Are you generally o.k.?" and "How is your eyesight?".
• (Day 5) Go back to driver's license place (this is about a 1/2 hour drive every-time I go here). Turns out the passport photos I have won't work, they are about .25 inches too big and for some strange reason, they won't let me cut them down.
• (Day 5) Go to mall to get new photos for license.
• (Day 5) This one is all my fault, but somehow I lost the stupid medical certificate driving back and forth. Of course they can't fax it because 1. They don't have a fax machine and 2. When I did find a fax, the hospital doesn't have any record of me being there.
• (Day 6) Go back for another medical exam.
• (Day 6) Go back to driver's license place. Now they tell me that everything is good except I only have the originals and 1 copy of everything and if I want a car and motorcycle license, I need 2 copies. Later this would become apparent, because it is literally two licenses, not just one with a car and motorcycle designation on it.
• (Day 6) Go to copy shop to get additional copies. I got like 5 just in case.
• (Day 6) Go back to driver's license place, finally everything is o.k. with my papers. Now I have to take some other weird tests to make sure I am not color blind, etc.
• (Day 6) Walked away with my shiny new driver's license and my shiny new motorcycle.

November 10, 2006 : The 11th Floor
I just relocated yet again. This time into the 11th floor of a 10 story building. I guess the building code for this building would only allow them to go to the 10th floor. Of course they would make more money with 11 stories than 10, so they made the elevator just go up to the 10th story. Story has it, they sheet-rocked in the fire escapes so that when the building inspector came he only saw 10 stories instead of 11. Of course, he could have just counted from outside the building.

I thought the only problem would be when having to walk up an extra flight of stairs everyday. That was until I tried to get internet installed from the phone company. Trying to tell them that I was on the 11th story when their records only show 10 was pretty entertaining.

Anyways, the new apartment is fantastic. It's in a much busier part of town. Their are great restaurants in every direction, just minutes from my place. Sushi, coffee houses, burgers, Italian, and of course some of the best Thai food I've had here. Here are some photos of the new place. And a video of the interior.

Unfortunately, I threw out my back trying to lug around 300lbs from one apartment to the other (I did save about $1.50 by only making 1 trip though!). I know that I can't shut-up about how much I love the health care in Thailand, but where else can you get acupuncture, physical therapy, ortho, and massage therapy all in one day, no appointments and totaling less than $25! 24 hours later I'm climbing again.

November 6, 2006 : The food in Chiang Mai
The most frequently asked question I get is 'How is the food?' I would have blogged on it by now, but my initial experiences were anything but pleasant. The problem was tied to the neighborhood I was in and the work hours I was keeping. I didn't have time to go anywhere but the market that was walking distance from my apartment. Most of the market stalls didn't have any menus and even worse you have to know what they specifically have because unlike a restaurant, they only make 9 or 10 different dishes. One thing I do know how to say in Thai is: "I have no idea what is good, could you choose for me?"
The first time I did this was at a noodle shop. I ended up with some broth that I have since affectionally termed 'Pork Surprise'. It consisted of a light broth with hooves, snouts, entrails, grissel, and god knows what else. In an effort not to make the cook feel bad, I choked down as much as possible. I figured if I could pour the rest of it over rice I could finish it off. So in my feeble attempt to request a bowl of rice, I somehow inadvertently ordered another bowl. I only made it about half way through that second one.

However, my fear of the unknown at noodle shops was born. That and my recent bout of food poisoning haven't really made me too excited about going out to eat. Fortunately for me I am moving to a new neighborhood in a couple of days that is the mecca of good restaurants in the city. Photos forthingcoming of some of the great dishes here.

November 2, 2006 : 4 Times Zones of Pain
As some of you might recall on my previous trip to thailand I discovered a Thai masseuse named Mama Lon. By and far the most skilled/sadistic masseuse I have come across in all my travels. Last weekend I road tripped about 3 hours to her little town just to have her work on me. Oddly enough, the town is only 90 miles away, but due to the sheer windy, mountainous road, it takes 3 hours.

So here is what I learned from my time spent with her. There are 2 types of pain, healing pain and hurting pain. Hurting pain is stepping on a nail. Hurting pain is Bob Zimmer being a dumb ass and shocking himself with a tazer. There is no good to come from hurting pain. Healing pain however, I rather enjoy. It keeps you in the moment... for the most part. During the pain... that moment when she has got her thumb on your spleen and your toes are on fire, well there is no thinking about anything else. The second she lets go, my mind begins to wander a little. Here is a synopsis of what I tend to think about between screams:

1. I don't know if I can take 2 full hours of this.
2. Oh no... she is going to do the same thing to my left side.
3. 3 more seconds before she digs in again
4. God and baby jesus, make it stop NOW!

When she is done, I swear up and down that I'm done; there will be no going back tomorrow. Somehow every-time I seem to forget how bad it was by the time I wake up the next day and I'm back on the table.

October 31, 2006 : Losing My Religion
I think it's fair to say that I've spent enough time praying to the porcelain god the last three days that I might soon be a convert.

From what I've read about joining it's actually pretty easy. Step 1: Eat some bad fermented fish from a Japanese restaurant. Step 2: Hang out in your apartment for a couple of days... constantly guessing which end should be on the toilet. Step 3: Call the front desk and request that they check in on you every 4 hours just in case you get so dehydrated you forget you're in Thailand.

A side note, sorry I haven't blogged in a few days, but now you know why!

October 27, 2006 : If You Only See 1 Movie This Year!
Then this is the movie for you! Watch the Video

Once a year they celebrate the Loy Kratong festival in Thailand. It happens to be around the same time as Halloween, but they are completely unrelated. The other thing that is cool or uncool (depending if you have food poisoning or not) is that it is not just one night, but an entire week. My neighborhood could be renamed "The Northern Quarter for Wayward Thumbs and Fingers". There are m80 firecrackers going off about every 5-10 minutes, at least 12 hours a day. Doing the math, there must be quite a few short fuses out there that claim more than a few nubs.

Anyways this festival, is a kick off of the celebration. It is a 4 hour long event with a parade of monks chanting, fire dancers, beauty pageant entrants, etc. The whole thing culminates with the releasing of the lanterns. You buy these lanterns for about $1 a piece that are made out of some incredibly light weight fireproof material with a piece of rolled paper soaked in kerosene. There are over 1000 different candle "launching pads" in the area. When the monk drops the checkered flag, everyone lights them up and off they go. The video is cool, but to actually see it... unbelievable. (more pictures here)

Oh and before I forget, remember how bad it is trying to park and drive out of july 4th traffic during the fireworks? That's nothing. 2 straight miles of motorcycles 6 wide as far as the eye can see. Parking video here.

October 26, 2006 : Social Climbing
I met this guy Brian about a week ago and we have been out climbing just about every other day. We've been making our way around the crag finding different routes here and there. Today we got a tip about a 'secret climb' inside of this enormous cave. The pictures will surely do it more justice than this blog. However the gist is, you lower yourself through this tiny little hole not much bigger than your backpack. Then you wait until your eyes adjust (hoping that the spiders that are surely down there with you don't find you first). There is a passageway about 10 meters long that connect you with this enormous cave about 45 meters high with a small hole at the very top to let light in. After we searched around for awhile we found the beginning of the route. Thank LBJ that it was my turn to lead. You're climbing mostly in the dark, but you could make out the bolt ahead of you. At no point is it overly hard, but you're pretty exposed. The best part is when you reach the top of the climb you climb out of the little hole and rappel down in the sunshine to the foot of the climbing area.

Unfortunately my hands have fallen prey to the humidity of the climate and the sharpness of the rock (think Mordor type rock here), so I'm out for at least a week.

October 25, 2006 : Language Lessons II
My Thai tutor went over something tonight that I just think is hilarious. When you are talking about pants, there are 6 types. Gong gain, gong gain nueng swooan, gong gain song swooan, etc. This translates literally into: Long pants, pants 1 , pants 2, etc. Now the numbering system is what is funny. The 1, stands for 1/5 of the leg, the 2 would be 2/5 of the leg. So to translate into complete english:

Pants 1 = Hot pants
Pants 2 = Shorts
Pants 3 = Capris
Pants 4 = Long Capris
Pants 5 = Highwaters (or pants that go right above the ankle)
Pants = Pants that go below the ankles

It's funny because once my tutor went into buy some pants one time and they asked him if he wanted Pants 5. It freaked him out, because up to that point he had only heard of it going to Pants 4; but I guess highwaters were the new fashion.

October 20, 2006 : Language Lessons
I enrolled today at one of the universities for 120 hours of advanced Thai reading and writing. I barely squeaked by into the advanced class, but all the long hours that I put in at Cafe 245 look to have finally paid off. I have had a tutor almost every day since I've got here to try to get me up to speed a little bit. My neighborhood is completely Thai and other than the occasional go getter, no one speaks any English. Classes start at the college in about 2 weeks. One of the best parts about learning the language and living in this neighborhood is that every little piece of vocabulary that you pick up you can use over and over until you get it. I might not really want coconut juice every meal, but I'll be damned if I don't order it until I get the pronunciation just right.

October 18, 2006 : Motorcycles
Watch the video of my driving through the night market traffic
Riding a scooter in this city is definitely one of the most exciting parts about being here. You have to be on your game 100% of the time. If you're not, I have a feeling that things can go bad pretty fast. When I first came to town, I asked the cab driver "So do you see a lot of motorcycle accidents?" to which he replied "Oh..Yeah...everyday...everyday I see even the children fall off their motorbikes" It's weaving in and out at 5 miles an hour and then 80 and then 5 again. It's dogs crossing the highways. My front tire went flat the 2nd day I had it. It's dealing with that at 60 mph. But it's also feeling so alive at being so in the moment. Then you'll see crazy things like a guy driving through rush hour on a scooter while talking on his cell phone. Or my favorite...people putting their little dogs on the back of their bikes, literally just balancing on back of the seat.

Anyways, it's about a 45 minute drive out to the crag to go climbing and the whole thing is very exciting. When I get to the point where it feels pedestrian, well I'm afraid it will be pretty boring coming back to driving a truck with airbags.

October 17, 2006 : Pain in the neck
I had fallen while climbing in the gym in Jackson about 2 months ago. I had to go to the chrio, acupuncture, and massage therapy to get me to where I could turn my neck. I think that bad thai massage made everything go awry again. So I spent the last 2 days working the health care system in this town. I found an incredible thai masseuse that worked on me for about 3 hours ($11). I went to the hospital and got a bad diagnosis from a doctor. He also gave me acupuncture. ($15). And then I hit the jackpot. I was wandering around and found this jankey looking sign that said 'Physikal Therupy'. When I was in Jackson I had an mri and a x-ray on my neck that showed my c-5 and c-6 vertebrae were totally tweaked. Well the doctor at this place (he didn't speak much english) put his hands on my neck, moved around for about 30 seconds and said c-5, c-6, you hurt ... here and put his finger right on the spot. He then proceeded to stretch me in some way that made my entire arm go numb. 30 minutes of ultrasound, my neck is mostly better. The best part: ($2.50)

October 15, 2006 : More work in the Glass Palace
I promise this will be the last time that I blog about work because I know how fun it is to read about. It is so funny how the second I step into my apartment, I might as well be in Jackson. I'm on the computer almost non-stop talking or video conferencing w/friends and clients. I know one of the reasons I came here was to work, but I'm going to have to find a better balance. I did however finally get a motorcycle like I wanted this weekend which will definitely add to my independence getting around town.

October 13, 2006 : This is why I came here
At the time I was a little wary that I had setup my first climbing outing on Friday the 13th. This would however prove to be the best day I had since maybe early July. I think that was the last time I had taken a whole day off. The climbing here is so ridiculously good. I hadn't climbed in about 3 weeks, so I thought I might be a little weak, but I went out for about 8 hours and felt great. I love it when you set a goal for yourself like 3 weeks in the future and then you meet that goal that day. I didn't think I would be climbing 5.11 for a couple of weeks. I've never even tried to lead one. 3rd climb out though I on-sighted a 5.11b and was just ecstatic.

The formations here are so different than anything I've ever climbed before. Starting in one side of a cave, climbing through and coming out on the other side while being inverted about half of the time.

The only downside is how hot it is. I was sweating so much, my fingers were literally pruning.

October 12, 2006 : Digital Applesauce: Thailand Branch
I spent a good part of the wee hours of the morning and the entire day figuring out how to do business over here. I got a thai cell phone just down the street. I figured out the intricacies of skype. I discovered how to make phone calls using my computer and phone and set it up so people could dial my local Jackson number 739-8680, and have it ring over here. To my chagrin, the internet is about 1/10th as slow over here, but it is fast enough to make things work. I called most of my friends and family back home. Up to this point I had no idea if I would be able to work while I was in Thailand. It was totally dependent upon the speed of the internet. I hadn't told a lot of my clients that I was going to try and work over here, just in case it didn't work. This was both a happy and sad time for me. I was glad because it meant I might be able to sustain living over here for awhile. I was sad because it meant I would probably have to put off any vacation time until around the holidays.

October 11, 2006 : I didn't realize how big this city was
As a rule of thumb, just because you can walk around jet lagged doesn't mean you should. I almost stepped in front of 3 or 4 cars and countless motorcycles. Think New York City without sidewalks. I walked from my apartment to the heart of the city to just get my bearings. I would later realize that the part of the city I live is somewhat residential and the road I was walking along is more of a commuter path than a scenic stroll. Not as bad as walking down the grassy middle of an interstate, but close. I walked over to Chiang Mai Rock Climbing Adventures and met Josh Morris. I love it when you meet somebody, especially when you just moved somewhere and you realize that they are going to be a very good friend for a time to come. He is running a very well put together climbing business. Since one of the main reasons I moved here was to sport climb, we were well met. He also has a great love for macs, so it was nice to talk shop since I had been out of it for a couple of weeks.

He mentioned that Chiang Mai had close to 800,000 vehicles in the province. Doing the math that put the population well over the 300,00 that I had once assumed from an outdated lonely planet. Regardless, this is a big city. I bouldered at the wall for a couple of hours then walked over to rent a motorbike from where he suggested. Unfortunately they were out of the model that I wanted, but they pointed me to another shop about 2 miles away (about a block from Josh's shop) So I walked all the way back. They didn't carry that model at all. Then it started to rain. And I mean tropical. So I decide to get a thai massage at the closest parlor so as to wait out the rain. I get up from that massage and I can't move my neck. You really have to be careful over here about who you go to. I have walked away from more than one massage where I left in much worse shape than I came in.

I'm jet-lagged to no end, it's still raining, I don't have a motorcycle, and I can't move my neck. I've never wanted to curl up with newton so bad in my life. I flag down a song thaew (red truck taxi) and limp home to my apartment. Thank god for room service.

October 10, 2006 : This is starting out rough!
I'm hoping this is the worst day I ever have in Thailand. I just got off a 54 hour door to door flight that included 2 missed flights and my bags getting lost twice during the four times that I had to transfer airlines. A far cry from last year flying business class in 26 hours.

To add insult to injury, I felt somewhat pressured to find an apartment right away (and in retrospect it is good that I did). Drove around the city with my taxi driver looking at various serviced apartments/hotels that I found online. The one that I ended up picking, Vianbunga Mansion, is located in a completely thai neighborhood about 5 minutes via motorbike from the city center. It is incredibly nice. They clean your room 4 times a week, room service, gym, on hand masseuse, cable, wireless high-speed internet, all for about $300/month.
When I went to check in, they told me I would have to wait 4 more hours. I hadn't slept in about 56 hours at this point and pleaded my way into letting them let me stay in the room for the day before they finished cleaning it. I think the previous guest had head lice, because I woke up the next day with them all over me. Just kidding!